Spontaneous Combustion

I've taken up blogging at whatever random part of the day I might fit it in. Today it is 8:03 in the morning. I came up early with my carpool buddy and my class doesn't start until 9:00, so I have time to "waste". Not really....

So, I ran last night. I am up to 3 miles. I need like 6.2 for the 10K. I still have five weeks I think, so I should get to that point. I am so very excited. My first 10K. In other physical activities news, since my first 14er didn't work out last weekend, it sounds like it should this weekend. I hope to climb Mount Sherman.

On a majorly random note, my nails are barf green right now with bright green sparkles. :) Yeah, I guess I got hit too hard in the head yesterday. Actually I lost black. I gave one to my sister and the other spontaneously combusted, so I don't have many other choices. Oh well!

Pipecleaner Dude

Okay, so I am on one of my breaks. This one is uber long-as in like 4 hours. But it will be perfect to do homework in! I have a lot as I think I mentioned last night. So, anyway, I thought I would take the opportunity to blog since I probably won't have time tonight. I already had some test in chemistry. Geez, it's the first day. :) I think it was some sort of placement test. I only hope it doesn't have any sort of reflection on my grade. I knew some of the stuff, but certainly not all. All the inverse relationships and isomers of compounds has pretty much left my head since 10th grade!

Check this out!

Have a great Tuesday! I still am having a hard time getting over this whole university thing. It is so weird. I am driving to Pueblo every day, staying most of the day and coming home and doing more homework. All I can say is I had BETTER not get behind on my homework. It could be disastrous!

Chao!

Pyromaniacs and Showers

I have come to a conclusion about myself. I find too many things amusing...For example, today in my zoology lab, I was the only one laughing at something that I thought should have been evidently hilarious to absolutely everyone present. All 15 of us... So, I'm sitting in my chair, trying to find a comfortable position in these stupid stools while the droning professor-don't get me wrong, he's nice, he just drones a lot-talks about the rules of the laboratory. There were literally 21. Wow, I thought I had graduated from that type of thing coming out of highschool. Guess not. Well, I also thought I graduated from stupidity in highschool. Guess not. This is evidenced by the fact that there is a shower in the lab room. A huge dome that apparently dumps a ton of water on you when you pull a lever. Now imagine this sentence in a completely calm, monotone voice. "In case anyone catches on fire or begins to burn, please note the location of the shower". Uh, exscuse me, but did you just say what I think you said. I look around and nobody responds. I guess they were all asleep, because I was trying pretty hard not to laugh. I almost covered my mouth with my hand to stifle the laughter, but, wait, I am not supposed to touch my hand to my face in lab, because who knows what dangerous toxins linger in this room. That is literally what I was told.

So, yeah, that is my funny story. In other news, it is the first day and I am already wondering how I will get all this work done. :) I am excited though. Zoology seems like it will be a blast, and chem and physics will be a real challenge. I am not extremely excited about it, but it shouldn't be bad. The university setting is certainly more intense. It isn't as cushy and encouraging. More along the lines of "Get three wrong on this paper, and you automatically get an F". What happened to come talk to me if you are having problems, and we will see what we can do. Maybe set up an individual tutoring session or something along those lines....:)

It makes me see positives in things. To preface this, at this point, I want nothing more than to go to College of the Ozarks, but I also see the stress in being in this uncomfortable situation, but also not being near home so you can get away from the whole setting. Rather you have to go back to your dinky dorm and live it out.

Well, I better go. I seriously have a ton of homework. The irony of it all. Here is the official good-bye to free time. Very official.

I'm a nut case :)

Okay, I'm not sitting on the ground anymore. I basically just had a crapola filled weekend, but am ready to get off my patootie and keep going. :) Man, life is comical sometimes. It was extremely boring in one sense (alone in my room most of the weekend with crazy things running through my mind-you don't even want to know) and sort of action packed in another-I kinda trashed my room and fixed again. Yeah, a little broken glass too. No, not a window. I'm not that drastic. Okay, so now that I sound like a complete freak....

I am off to school tommorrow. Whoopee! Let the real world begin. I literally have like six classes-counting labs tommorrow. It will be crazy I go from nine to five with a one hour break. It's gonna be crazy. I am so exciting though! Zoology, Chemistry, Physics. Woohoo! Plus, each day I get closer to figuring out if I get to go to Missouri. Can you tell I am barely able to contain myself. So, yeah, that is about it. I look forward to updating you all on my crazy profs and mind boggling work schedule. :)

Good news! I have really been working on not getting anxious about work this semester. Tiling doesn't exactly fit in with my schedule, therefore, I was applying at different places around town with no luck so far. I just need about 50 to 60 bucks a week for gas and my World Vision kid. God brought up exactly what I needed. Fifty bucks a week doing some homeschool stuff with my siblings. It is PERFECT! Even in these little things, God has so totally got me covered!

Have a great day!

"....I am with you always, even to the end of the age!"

Pieces

I love this band. I am pretty excited that they have a new CD. Go here and listen to "Gentlemen".

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

Where does one draw the line between anger and bitterness? Anger is just fine, but then it grows into something wrong. I guess right now I don't care. I don't care about any of it anymore. I'm just tired of trying and trying and trying and hitting a brick wall every time. What is the point of picking myself up if I just keep falling. Why not stay on the ground if that is the only place I am ever at?

'Cause someday maybe
Somebody will love me like I need
And someday I won't have to prove
'Cause somebody will see
all my worth but until then
I'll do just fine on my own
With my cigarettes
And this old dirt road

They always say a strong person picks themself up over and over again. No matter how hard it gets. Sometimes you have to crawl. That's all you have the strength for. Is that what life is all about? Just picking yourself up over and over again?

I ain't gonna sleep
I ain't gonna dream
About the things that I used to need
I ain't gonna cry
Or go on living lies
I'm just gonna drive

Okay, so I keep going. Don't let the anger get me down. Even if the only thing good thing they've done for me is teach me strength. Teach me endurance. All right, I'll just leave it at that. I thought maybe it would be more than that, but okay. Life goes on. Life goes on, but who knows if I can trust enough again.

Apathy

*Edit*-August 25
Woody, this company is a very legitimate one. I checked it out on Better Business Bureau and they are known for their honesty. They also have annual reports that you can check out to see hwo much of your money really goes to the kids. You get yearly picture and update of your sponsored kid and can also write them letters.

Maybe some of you have been praying about me and Africa next summer. Answered prayer! Already....I got the names of 3 orphanages in Africa from some missionaries that my church supports. I e-mailed them and I am waiting to hear back. Hooray!

So I think God has really been impressing some things on me. I just can't get needy people out of my head. I notice them around town and I keep coming up with verses in the Bible about helping them. Okay, so I have this desire to help, but what to do about it? I came across an interesting idea on a blog my Mom visits. Thirty days of going without the extras. How about sticking only to the necessary things as so many families in foreign countries are forced to do? I am such a spoiled person. Sometimes I feel like I have so many things and opportunities, and all these little kids in Africa, for example, are working really hard just to feed themselves and their families. So I like the idea of 30 days of nothing, but I still feel like I want to DO something. I want to go farther than just depriving myself of those fun extras.

So, some ideas: Continue sponsoring my World Vision boy, Kato, and encourage you guys to consider it also. Look here for more information. It is only $30.00 a month to give a little kid in places like Africa, Germany, or Romania access to better food, an education, and a future. But best of all, it introduces them to a Jesus that so desperately loves them and wants to be their friend. But it isn't just the kids that are affected. I get to write letters to the boy I support. Since he is in school right now, I have been corresponding with his mom (who is a single parent) and it has been great to talk to her and hopefully be an encouragement to her. At first it was hard for me to think of spending thirty bucks a month-at a point when I made very little a month-but then I realized two things. It is only one dollar a day. I can make that much a day somehow or maybe give up some ice cream each week to make that amount. So, I hope you guys will pray about it. If you do not want a long term committment, you can also find a place on the website to do things like buy a few chickens for a family or even seeds.

Also, I am going to check and see if a local Loaves and Fishes needs some help on one afternoon a week. This organization is like a halfway house that provides meals and clothes to those who need it. If you guys would like, you could pray that I may be able to help out in some way.

Also, I am trying to find a way to go on a mission trip this summer-hopefully to Africa to help out with orphaned kids-and maybe you guys could pray that I would find a way to do that. I don't have any connections that could help me get there. So far at least.... :)

It's Getting Closer

I only have a week left until I start. Hooray! :) I went down to campus today and got my physics books and student ID. I still have to get one more book, but the class isn't until Thursday, so it's no biggie. I have spent about $650.00 on books. Isn't that despicable? I even did a few used. Not many, but as much as I could. :) I believe it is a conspiracy. We don't need all the new editions for one. And, two, what is it with the packaged sets. It makes it so much harder to buy used! Oh, well, I'll survive. I'm just happy to be starting school. I have gotten a new mindset. Rather than worry about where I am NOT, I am thankful for where I AM. I am blessed with a job that allows me to graduate with no student loans and I am really hoping that I will also be able to do some missions work over the summer. I will be able to afford it. Now that isn't to say I am not still practically dying to go to College of the Ozarks, but I am just trying to think more positively about the now.

Praises: I found carpool buddies for at least one of the days and possible even two or three. Crossing my fingers....This would mean that I would only have to come up with $50.00 a week for gas and my Compassion Child. A little more if I ever want to buy ice cream, clothes, or puzzles ever again, but I am just looking at the bare minimum right now. :) I'll consider food later.

So, as I said, I went to the university today to finish up some textbook buying. It was hilarious, because there was a freshman orientation (Yay, I'm not a freshie. Somehow I've always bypassed that status....) and some freshmen in the bookstore getting books. The thing I thought was amusing was the fact that they all had their parents with them. One guy who looked like a former football player was tagging along behind his Mom while she picked out all his textbooks for the year. :) Yeah, my Mom went with me when I started taking classes as a junior, but at least I picked out my own books. I am just glad that I was able to take college classes in a more laid back environment and get used to things there before I went to an actual university. Now all I am hoping is that this will be the stepping stone for Missouri. :)

Music and Note

I have another song. :) More country....But it's a good one. At least I think so. The video isn't all that exciting though.



Okay, I will not post this music video on my blog as it has an inappropriate portion, but I will tell you that the rest of the video really makes you think. It is "Chocolate" by Snow Patrol and can be found on YouTube. Thanks Carissa. :) If you are older and are "okay" with this type of thing, I would reccommend it as it has a very interesting message.

Note to self: Must stop withdrawing. It has already gotten me in big trouble at least once-well probably more than that-and I am now in the process of trying to get myself out of a trouble it has caused. I just hope I haven't caused damage that can't be fixed. It can just be quite hard to be open and honest with people. It seems like when I do open up, I often only end up with hurt. I don't have any outside of family relationships in which this has not happened. It just seems that the friendships always end up in hurt. If I open up, I get left in the dust. If I close up, people wonder what the heck is wrong with me.

Chasing Cars

Don't know if I've ever posted this video. Can't remember....

It doesn't have to be about a girl (with a guy singing). What about any person that will take the time to really get to know you? It seems like everyone is too caught up in popularity and having a million friends to do any of that. I am trying not to let it get to me. I thought I had it. But I guess I am not there yet. I don't know if I ever will be.

Talk about Talent

My first impressions? Extreme talent. Yes, very high levels of talent. Oh, and the outfits were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And who did the choreography? Impressive! I would give it a ten. Yup, definantly a ten. :) You'll see.....

Click here!

School and Royal Priesthood

Well, the countdown has begun. Exactly two weeks until I start school. And it is going to be intense! Monday school from 9 to 5, Tuesday 9 to 3, Wednesday 9 to 3, Thursday 12 to 12:50, and Friday is about 4 hours. When I am not working, I will be working, doing homework, volunteering at the vet clinic, playing soccer, possibly doing karate, maybe being involved in Campus Crusade and biology club. Ha! It's gonna be great. I am ready for real life to start. The summer has been great, but I am ready to get down to business! I'll be commuting to Pueblo daily, so I am hoping to find some carpool members in order to save dinero on gas. Hopefully that won't last long as I may be heading to Missouri. I hope!!!! :)

It is so amazing to see all my graduated friends going off to school. They all already left or are leaving in a matter of days. It is so sad to see them go, but yet again very exciting to see what the future will bring.

Thought: God appointed pieces of land to each of the twelve tribes-all except one. The tribe of Levi who was the priestly tribe. They were given the inheritance of God. What an amazing thought. Who cares about land when you've got God. Then I got to thinking about it, and I realized that in 1 Peter 2, we are called a royal priesthood. We are the ones with God as our inheritance. What an amazing gift! Plus, I liked this group of verses since it talked about being rejected by men, but chosen by God. Once again, it doesn't matter what men think of us. Rather, the fact that we are chosen and special in God's eyes matters.

Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

Hebrews

So, I think God was really directing me to this chapter this morning. I thought I was reading in James. I found something I liked, and I was about to write down the reference. Suddenly, I realized I happened to be in Hebrews, not James. This was really something I needed, so God definantly met me where I was at. If I look to Him for my fulfillment, He does not fail me.

I realize that I have been making the mistake of looking to people for fulfillment. Since I was so wrapped up in that, I could not hear what God wanted for me. He obviously wanted me out of all of that, because all of it seems to crumbling around me. I finally had something I always wanted, and now it is all walking away without me. I guess all good things must come to an end as someone says.... It is interesting how when I base my contentment and fulfillment on things and not God, it really never fails to move on without me.

Hebrews 13:1-6

Verse 1: "Let brotherly love continue."
No matter what, do not act out in anger. I still need to continue in brotherly-or sisterly-love.

Verse 2: "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels." Whoever the person is, be the type of friend Jesus would have been.

Verse 3: "Remember the prisoners as if chained with them--those who are mistreated--since you yourselves are in the body also." Remember those who are often left out of groups. They are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

Verse 4: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Some people are just dumb, let God figure it out.

Verse 5: "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So, don't be covetousness of what others have. Instead I need to focus on what I do have. No matter what happens, he is always with me.

Verse 6: "So we may boldly say:

"The Lord is my helper;

I will not fear.

What can man do to me?""
I have focused too much lately on how men affect me. That is beside the point. I need to be a light and good influence to others, but besides that, God is the one I go to for my comfort and fulfillment. If God is for me, who can be against me?

Music!

New music I like: Very different from each other. Very....

Project 86 (The guy with tats and long hair reminds me of Johnny Depp. Big time!)



And for some reason, I am into country lately. Laugh all you want. :)
Go to this site, and it should play.

Tres

*3 Things That Scare Me

Failure. I am scared of trying something and myself not acheiving. But that shouldn't stop me from trying!

People not seeing me for who I really am. I think it is very few who do see the real me.

Not finding the first day of my life.

*3 People That Make Me Laugh

Josh, Sarah, and Kirsten

*3 Things I Love

My best friend-Jesus

The family that is always there for me

My crazy friends


*3 Things I Hate

Exclusiveness/cliques

Not being who you really are

Fear

*3 Things I Don’t Understand

Why girls-most-are so obsessed with makeup and hair and clothes

Why people never believe me when I say dogs' mouths are cleaner than yours. :) Maybe it is my presentation tactic...

Why little kids in Africa suffer so much. Why does sin effect ones that didn't do anything? Sin I guess...

*3 Things On My Floor

I am very organized, so the things on my floor are my bed, my desk, and my bookshelf. Oh, but I keep puzzles under my bed, so a few are under there.


*3 Things I’m Doing Right Now

Bloggging

Listening to a great song by Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars"

Wondering if life ever ends up as good as people say it is in songs....Hmmm.....


*3 Things I Want to Do Someday

Go to Africa and be with all the kids that have HIV or AIDS

Adopt an African kid

Go on a roadtrip

(These are the most immediate ones.)

*3 Things I Can Do

Listen to people

Vote-which I did for the first time today! Yay!

Buy stuff and get carded-I haven't been carded yet. Oh, wait! I guess I sorta was for voting. Okay, never mind.

*3 Ways to Describe My Personality

Quiet upon first meeting

I really trust people to always be there for me once we are friends. To a fault possibly.

I love being around people, but once I do it for long periods, I need some time to myself.

*3 Things I Cannot Do (All these I plan to do one day.)

Kick everyone's butt in Kung Fu.

Play my guitar really well.

Run a marathon

*3 Things I Think You Should Listen To

Snow Patrol

Country music-new discovery that I like this stuff.

People that are older than you. Usually wiser.

*3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To

Hip-hop

Rap

People who try to tear you down

*3 Absolute Favorite Foods

ice cream-most any kind

French fries

Broccoli-steamed

*3 Things I’d Like to Learn

How do do surgery on an animal

How to do dreadlocks

How to have a good conversation even with people I don't really know

*3 Beverages I Drink Regularly

Water

Milk

OJ

*3 Shows I Watch (Those I watch are on DVD)

Lost

Gilmore Girls

A little Alias before

* 3 Bloggers I Tag

You

You

And You

In other words, if you want to do it, go ahead. Just let me know...

A baby toad

Look what my Dad found outside yesterday. It is a little baby toad. He gave it to me, and I put it in one of my empty tanks. I kept him for about half an hour to watch. My parents said I should keep him, but I thought that was a bad idea. He is a "wild" animal, and I don't know how to take care of him. I would hate to kill him. But he was so cute! He was only about an inch long. He must have been a baby. I miss having a frog around. I might have to take my Mom up on that "replace the frog that a sibling in a way killed" offer.

Books

Edit: Rabenstrange: I have sat down to write different things several times before. I have tried several types of writing including historical fiction and some sort of fiction that has philosophical ideas in it. However, I realize that it would probably be smart to start with something I am more comfortable with. A kind of fictionalized autobiography. Or maybe even an autobiography. I would use a pen name, however...:) I just have so many notebooks already filled with the information, and I have a kind of sarcastic sense of humor in the essays and stuff I write, so I think it would come fairly naturally. I am just a little confused as to how to start. I guess just dive right in, right? :)

Kim: Thank you so much for the book reccommendation. I am adding it to my list to read for sure!


1. One book that changed your life
"All Quiet on the Western Front". It really opened my eyes to the horrors of war and made me realize that it really should be used only as a completely last resort.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once
The James Herriot books which I read over and over. I love them! I would love to be him. He is with animals a lot and he just finds humor in nearly every situation.

3. One book you’d want on a deserted island
A dictionary. I could really expand my vocabulary, and it would take a very long time to get through the whole thing.

4. One book that made you laugh
"James and the Giant Peach". I read this a million times when I was younger, and the little songs the centipede sings are GREAT!

5. One book that made you cry
"Where the Red Fern Grows". What poor boy has two of his best friends-dogs he worked for-die. It sucked!

6. One book that you wish had been written
I want to write one. Someday.

7. One book that you wish had never been written
I don't understand the whole "Pride and Prejudice" craze. Probably mostly because I hate that society. If a movie is in that time era, I don't generally watch it. So, the writing style is excellent, and Jane Austen was an amazing person, but I was the only one in my lit class that didn't like it.

8. One book that you are currently reading
I am currently reading "East of Eden" (I was told it was even better than "Grapes of Wrath".) and "The Feminine Mystique". Yeah, still.


9. One book you’ve been meaning to read
Oh, I have a whole notebook of books to read. However, I have literally started "Heart of Darkness" three times, and just can't get into it. Someday I will finish it. I will!

Completely Different Post Than I Started With

Okay, I set out to write a post, telling myself that I was going to be completely honest. I set out realizations I have come to and even numbered them point by point. It was all about the frustrations of gossip, cliques, and my frustrations with finding myself stifling the nerdy parts of me, because I thought it wasn't me. Well, it became very long. And quite angry. I obviously couldn't post it since I would hurt people. But I thought I had a right to since I was hurt.

Finally, I came to my last realization which was that I needed to do a better job of controlling my anger. Ha! The whole post was certainly not an example of that. Far from it in fact. So, I will go with a little less drastic approach. I was very close to wanting to move away without telling anyone and just dropping off the face of the planet. There is so much here that I would just love to leave. But then I realize that problems only follow. Or so I've heard....

I will say that life is going to be a little different. Priorities have changed once I realize how things truly are. Sometimes it is so discouraging. I wonder if I will ever find that perfect person who will never let me down. But then I think about it and-duh-God is there all the time. I just often turn away from that opportunity. I wonder why... Things have changed and life often hurts, but a person who is strong gets back up from those hurts and keeps going. I mean if I fall down flat on my face and don't get up for days every time something comes up, then how much of life am I wasting? A lot.

I don't know what is up with these past few months. I think God is just really growing me or preparing me for something. Who knows if it is life in general or something more specific, but each day I keep running. Once again, run the race that is set before me. And I run it with endurance.

Several Blabs

I have come to the conclusion that I am actually a sporadic blogger. Wow! At least during the summer....

So, last night, I finally took a shovel and scooped myself off the ground. Ice cream, "Gilmore Girls", pep talk from the sister and Mom, notebook venting, Bibletime, and driving with music was all that was needed. I think I am finally in a good place however. Time to move on and invest in something else. It is hard, but when I analyze it, it is the obvious choice for myself.

Writing a song-maybe-about a paper heart. It has nothing to do with "All American Rejects", but since it has the same phrase, I'm thinking it stinks. I don't want to be considered a copycat. As if anyone would ever hear the song...Ever. Ever ever. Ever ever ever.

I think God puts really huggy bubbly people in my life on purpose. Wow! Very interesting...Better than a clammed up non-socialite I guess.

Soccer Injuries

Oooh, I forgot to share my fun experience with you all. Okay, so the third to last game or so of soccer last season, I had an awesome injury. A girl of the opposing team and I basically collided. I did a backflip out of the field essentially and hurt my wrist. Sprain, fracture, who knows. So, I wore a brace for a while, then just forgot about it. Or tried to. It has really been acting up lately. So, I went to the chiropractor and they said I have a bone out of line. So, I was hooked up to electricity-seriously. Supposedly, it relaxes muscles. My fingers were vibrating so much, I was basically making nasty gestures unwittingly. :) Ooops. Anyway, then I had my joints pulled on. I even got the classic neck twist. I didn't like it. I felt clicks and-anyway, it was odd. So, then I had the wrist wrapped and iced it. I went again yesterday, and then I go again tommorrow. I just want it to feel better. I think it is work that aggravates it. However, it will not stop me from playing soccer! I actually just got onto an adult team a few minutes ago. Woopee! More sprained bones here I come! :)