One and Lonely

If any of you have been at all interested in what I have mentioned concerning courtship, this is a really good article, and may answer some of the questions you have concerning the basic principles of what is involved.

*Edit later*
Okay, so there was more to it than that. I guess I had a "One and Lonely" type of day. I see the merits of what it is I am doing, but sometimes it is hard. Sometimes I just wish there was a guy out there who thought about me during the day. Sometimes I wish I was the one who got a call from my boyfriend to steal me away from classes. :)

"Sometimes I have good days and it's good to be me Sometimes I get the best of insecurity And it's quite alright to be the one and only But today I feel like the one and lonely"

*Edit AGAIN!!*
So, I had to refocus with God again. I think that is what my time spent with Him usually is. Refocusing. One quiettime a day doesn't seem to be enough. I have started bringing my Bible to school when I just need some help. It has started one conversation so far which was really cool. Anyway, that is beside the point. Like I said, I am refocused and ready to keep running the race. And since I ended on a sadder note with Superchick, I will once again end with Superchick, but on a happier note.

approval is your sword
popularity your crown
but i'm not one of your subjects
you can't bring me down
you say i loose your approval if i'm not cool like you
well, here's a newsflash for you
i've got nothing to loose
your laughter is hollow because i don't care
you look down on me, but im not there
I've got nothing to prove and nothing to lose
nothing to prove and nothing to lose

Africa

Mrs. Clark asked me to share an update on what is up with Africa. Honestly, not a whole lot has happened since I last mentioned it. My missionary contacts are in the US right now, so they will be contacting me in November when they are in Uganda again. I got some figures on what the cost of the trip might be, and it looks like it will be an average of seven hundred dollars a month. This is not bad compared to many other missions organizations I have looked at. I am thinking about a two months, but that is certainly dependant on how much I can make. I am very excited to see how God will work all of this out. Usually, I make my money for the school semester over the summer, so I will really have to trust God to provide for me. After this semester though, I totally trust His abilities! :) I was contacted today by a member of the missions organization, telling me about a woman who was interested in traveling to Africa together. She is also going to be working at the Good Shepherd's Fold Orphanage, and her husband feels like he wants her to travel with someone. So, I may have a friend to travel with. I am sure that gives my parents some reassurance. :) Also, I get my passport on Thursday or Friday at school. There is a passport fair which I thank God for. Saves me a trip to the post office!

Real beauty: Check out this video! I am very happy to see that there may finally be some honesty about the fakeness of women in magazines and movies. It is sad to think that so many girls think all of that is real. That is the ideal, and what they strive to look like. The impossible. I wish we lived in a society where real beauty was valued. What about the beauty that is of great worth in God's sight? That of your inner self? What if we spent as much time cultivating that type of beauty as we do the surface beauty? How different would the world be?

Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Sure, it is okay to have outer beauty, but I really think God finds a lot of value in the true beauty of a person's spirit. This verse has come to my attention once again. It is hanging on my wall, but as a permanent fixture, it often fades into the background. Once again, I want to ask God what things He wants me to change internally to be more like Him. After some thought, I came up with the following:

-As a person who struggles with being "shy" I guess you could call it, I often find myself in situations where I am uncomfortable around people. When it comes down to it, I realize that that feeling comes from selfishness. I am worried about how I look or what impression I am making. Rather, I want to focus on being a friend. How can I show God's love to someone? Probably, by getting over my fears and talking to someone.

-Trust. I want to learn to trust God more. Rather than freaking out when hard or uncertain times come up, I want to remember 1 Corinthians 2:9-"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, the things which have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for them that love Him". I got this verse right when I needed it. I get so wacked out about things I am unsure of. There is the struggle between the things I've always thought I would do and the awesome unexpected. I get scared when I don't know which one will happen. But then I see this verse. I cannot even comprehend what God has in store.

-Understanding. I get so hurt by things. I forget that life happens and people are human. Just like me. God, give me strength to not take things so personally.

My Weird Side

Now you can see the weird side of me... I have a seven foot long chain of Starburst wrappers. Yeah, kinda freaky I know. :) I started it over the summer when my friends and I ate way too much candy.



You know you are a poor college kid when your Mom buys you socks. :)



I love how Jill does her "thankful posts". It always encourages me to think about the good things in life. So, here goes my list.

I'm thankful for:

Running. The sound of the wind in your ears and the happiness felt after a good run can't be beat.

Isaiah 60:19-22
The sun shall no longer be your light by day,

Nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you;

But the Lord will be to you an everlasting light,

And your God your glory.

Your sun shall no longer go down,

Nor shall your moon withdraw itself;

For the Lord will be your everlasting light,

And the days of your mourning shall be ended.

Also your people shall all be righteous;

They shall inherit the land forever,

The branch of My planting,

The work of My hands,

That I may be glorified.

A little one shall become a thousand,

And a small one a strong nation.

I, the Lord, will hasten it in its time.

An A on a physics quiz that God totally got for me. I did not deserve that A!

Fuzzy blue slippers

The opportunity to talk to Catherine at school

An amazing opportunity to go to Africa

Vanilla ice cream with sprinkles-only 95 cents at Big Burger World :)

Finishing the mapping out of electron orbitals

The ability to earn a school credit by doing something I already do-volunteer at the vet clinic

A brand new notebook to write in

New socks :)

Sitting on the couch watching a movie

Nine weeks of school down, six to go

*Edit Sunday*

Results are in! I got the race results off the internet. Here goes...I was 47th out of 105 female runners. My time was 27:53.06 at an average of a nine minute mile. I would like to speed that up for the next 5K, but I am more of a long distance runner, and I think I will do better in that venue. I like the really short races-1 mile-or longer 10K to half marathon. I pace myself better.

Happy Weekend!

Happy day! It's Friday, and I have been smiling all day. :)

I have my 5K tommorrow. That should be fun. Maybe I will get rid of all this excess energy I have.

Well, I succesfully finished midterms, but the world has gotten even more crazy. On Monday, I have a chemistry chapter summary , a chemistry lab writeup, homework on electron orbitals, and physics problems due. On Wednesday, I have two biology tests, and on Friday, I have a physics test and a chemistry test. Sometimes it all reaches nearly comic proportions. :)

Check out this fab song: "Tomorrow Is a Long Time". It is-again-by Nickelcreek, and you should go to this link, and click on the song title.

And here are some "old" pictures I dug up. The first one is right afer I turned 18. Beginning of summer. I like this pic. I love you, Emily! Your style is awesome.


emandme

Here is my Dad and I winter last year. It must have been like March or February. Wow, I was still in highschool then. What a weird thought. :)


dadandi

This is Easter last year. I hid the eggs for the kids, and then found a place to sit. I didn't know my Mom took this. I just happened to find it.


bench 

Thursday

So, there is a blizzard warning in the weather. I woke up...No snow. Maybe it will hold over until tonight. Then I don't have to go to school tommorrow. You don't know how happy I would be! So, I am still off to the vet's office and school. What if I get snowed in at school? What an adventrue that would be. Maybe we would have to burn chemicals in the chem lab to stay warm. Maybe it will be the end of the world like that one movie....Okay, I'm going a little wacko now.

Okay, so I have another song I am liking. It is a rediscovered favorite.

i didn't hear you say you're sorry
the fault must be mine
i wish you all the best of luck at
finding somebody more like you

you said you'd love me always truly
i must have changed
'cause you don't need me like you used to
i hope you find somebody more like you



i hope you finally find someone someone that you trust
and give him everything
i hope you meet someone you height so you can see eye to eye
with someone as small as you

you came out of nowhere and made me smile then tore me in two
saying we're very different people so dear
i hope you find somebody more like you
i hope you find somebody more like you
-Nickelcreek

Edit: I JUST RAN TEN MILES!!! I am very excited and hyper right now. :)

Okay, so I just want you to hear the song. I don't really care for what they put it too. Although I do like this movie! :)




Hopefully this is the last time I edit this post. I have decided to undertake a new "gain a new skill attempt". When I say my next sentence, make a sincere attempt not to laugh your head off or fall off your chair....I am going to learn how to cook. Seriously. I don't really get home early enough during the week to do much, but on the weekends, I am going to attempt. I can make pie, casseroles, chicken and dumplings, baked potatoes, but I really have not tried to do a whole lot. So, this is my next adventure: cooking! This may be the craziest one I've had yet. :)

Calm After the Storm

Hmm, I believe that my momentary relief was merely the calm after the storm of midterms. :) Here we go again....At least this time, however, I am running down the hill and not up (The semester is halfway over!) Physics is going a million miles a minute, and I can only go a million miles an hour. In chemistry, we are talking about quantum numbers and electron orbitals. The abstractness makes my tiny brain hurt. And in chem lab, the highest I can get on these lab writeups is a B. I got an 81 the other day. My writeup was "perfect" (according to me) except for a bunch of mini mistakes that took off quite a few points. Such as not labeling each paper "conclusion", "summary", and so forth. That was a new rule...

"Anyone who doesn't make mistakes isn't trying hard enough". --Wess Roberts
I make quite a few mistakes. I take it that could be a good thing....

"Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful.....Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering.....Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise".

Quick Post

Heaven! This was seriously my first weekend that I did not have a test to study for. It was great! I did a tiny bit of studying, but didn't do a whole lot. :) That was nice....

Note to self: It doesn't work to stuff eight people in a tiny Toyota stick shift. Ha ha! That was hilarious. Okay, so, fine, i wasnt' cold I guess.

And, yes, a belgian waffle sandwich really is a sandwich.

Now it's Monday, and I am officially over the hill. The semester is definantly halfway over. Wow, what relief!

Firsts!

I get to cross off two things from my "list of things to do before I die". The first was rock climb. I did it Thursday, and I am officially a "belayer". Is that a word? I dunno, but I am one. So, if you ever want to climb, let me know, and I am official now. Climb on! :) Admittedly, my shoulders are a litle sore. Guess what I did right before climbing? I ran eight miles. I guess I thought I would cram all my physical activity into one day.

Number two was go to a Jewish service. I did that today. Last night I just decided to go since I really wasn't doing anything. It was really neat. It gave me a lot to think about. The rabbi mentioned the prophecies about the real Jews getting jealous in the last days because of how many Gentiles are doing the things they are supposed to be doing. I found it very interesting how all the people there were Christians, but also Jewish. And the fact that Jesus, Paul, and so many others were Jewish makes me think. It was just a really cool thing. I would like to learn more about it.

And even though this wasn't on my list of things to do before I die, it should have been. I dissected a squid Wednesday, and it was the bomb. Who would have thought a squid was that fascinating. Part of the intrigue probably stemmed from the fact that I live somewhere where there is absolutely no marine life, so I think fish, sharks, and in the case of squids-cephalopods-are very interesting.

Hello, weekend!

It has been called to my attention that "That Hideous Strength" is still in my sidebar. No, I am not reading it STILL. I just haven't had time to finish it. Or take it out of my sidebar for that matter. I am attempting "In Dubious Battle" right now, but as I have had it for several weeks and not gotten very far at all, I am unsure how that will go. My books as of late seem to be "Physics", "Chemistry: The Central Science", and a zoology book I do not currently recall the name of.

Well, another week has passed. This one was ultra fast. Probably because I had about four too many tests and quizzes. I got through my chemistry relatively unscathed. Those tests are so hard that even though I got a 55% on the test, taken relative to everyone else in the class, I currently have a B. So, yeah, you can say I got an F on a test, but then again, not really. I look forward to this weekend. I have no tests to study for, so I have time to just work on stuff we have gone over in chemistry and biology, but I don't have down completely. That about sums up my plans for the weekend. Pathetic? Sure. I'll probably fit in some ice cream and a movie at some point. Oh, and I have to do laundry and vacumn and dust my room. Hmmm, I think that is about it. Spend some time with my cat. She could use some attention...Man, sometimes life is really boring. Well, I'll just go with and look forward to the day when I might be kayaking or seeing Victoria Falls, or running a half marathon, or being in an ice cream eating contest, or having a guy around that just likes to do normal everyday things with me (I doubt all of those make any sense together.).

As you may infer from my last sentence, I think I may be struggling with being content again. I have all these ideas and goals, but many of them seem very far away right now. I try to do something as simple as running a 10K and it falls through. I want to do so much and see so much and all of that seems like it will never happen. Will I ever be in Africa, helping out at an orphanage? Will I successfully make it through school? Will I get into vet school? And one that sticks out lately-will I ever find a guy? Ooooh, I hate it when I do that! I wish I would listen to myself when I say "Honestly you don't want to get married now. There are so many things you want to do first. You're only eighteen! You still have lots of school to get through. What is the point of all that right now?". Yeah, well, I'm not listening to myself and I'm feeling a little lonely. Everyone's got a best friend or a boyfriend. I've got my family, but it seems like our lives are pretty separate even though I am still at home. I have all these things that God has told me, but sometimes it seems so impossible. Yeah right will I ever find a nice Christian guy within 30 miles of where I am at. Sometimes I wonder if they exist or if they are all a figment of the imagination....:) I think sometimes writing it down helps me get my head on right. When it all really truly boils down, it is true that there are a lot of thigns I want to do before I find a guy. And isn't it me that always says I'll be like 25 or 30 before I am married. :) Don't hold any of the above against me. I almost didn't write it, but what is the point of words if you are not honest?

*Edit*
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Proverbs 4:23
So easy to get unfocused... I lose sight of why I am doing something so easily. Thankfully, God is faithful to remind me of where He wants me-the best place to be. I remember that I am doing this not for me, but for the good of someone else. Every time I get focused on myself, things get ugly. And that is what happened. Rather than thinking of how I can do someone else good all the days of my life, I think about what it is that I want. I felt lonely, I wanted something, and that is beside the point. My focus right now is to do God's will. Right now, that consists of going to school at CSU-Pueblo, living at home, and being a little lonely. If that is what it takes, okay...

Tuesday

Tuesday...I had a chemistry test today-midterm. I should get it back Friday. I will cross my fingers until then. One more day and I am halfway through the semester. Hooray! I hope the first part was the easier half. I guess I'll be finding out pretty soon. Tommorrow I have a quiz in physics. Kind of a weird time for it since we haven't even handed in homework for it which means we haven't gotten in back graded which means I have no clue what I am doing. :) Life...What an interesting thing. I have a physics lab in an hour. That should be good. I like that lab for some reason. Maybe it is because I get it and get good grades in there. I guess I also find the lab assistant and my lab partner's interest in each other amusing. Last week they were debating derivations of calculus...:)



I got the CD yesterday. Yup, it is pretty sweet! :)

"Now therefore, O God, strengthen my hands".

Skillet

Score!
Skillet has a new CD. These guys are the best. I have listened to them for about 5 years now, and there has never been a CD I haven't liked. They have a very distinct sound, but it isn't so much that it gets old. Check out some of their songs. I believe I have been to five of their concerts so far. They come to Colorado a lot. :) The best part about them is their sincerity. Sometimes it seems like when I go to a Christian concert there is no distinguishable difference between it and a secular one. You can really tell the difference at a Skillet concert! Guess you could call me a longtime fan...
They have a concert Halloween night, but I don't know if I can go since I have two test on Wednesday morning and I wouldn't get home until 2:00 in the morning. That may not be a good combination....

ah!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, now I just need to do that out loud to relieve stress. :) I had a tiny little break. Note tiny. I have tons to do this weekend. So much for the word weekend. Study for a chemistry lecture midterm, study for a chemistry lab midterm, study for a physics test, write out a physics equation sheet, get ready for a presentation in my careers class.... Hold up, wait a minute! I seem to forget constantly where my focus should be. Oh, right, learning is fun! :) Oh, and this is a blessing from God. Seriously. Oops, gotta go. Chao!

Midterms

It looks as I may be out of commission for about a week and a half. I have four tests before next Tuesday. I am pretty much a study addict right now. :) Two bio tests, and two chem tests. I already did the physics and got a 96.75%. That is the most satisfactory 96.75% I have ever received. :)

Wish me luck, and I will probably be back in about a week. How tragic is this....

Midterms

It looks as I may be out of commission for about a week and a half. I have four tests before next Tuesday. I am pretty much a study addict right now. :) Two bio tests, and two chem tests. I already did the physics and got a 96.75%. That is the most satisfactory 96.75% I have ever received. :)

Wish me luck, and I will probably be back in about a week. How tragic is this....

Bleep

Talk about a loss of visuals. I promise to try and post some pics later on today or this weekend. :)

"For I know the thoughts and plans I have towards you, says the Lord".

I have really just come to the conclusion that a vet does some of the craziest things on the face of the planet. Seriously. Put tubes down a horse's nose and then put the tube in your mouth until you smell grass. That way you know you got to the stomach. The other day I was watching a surgery. One of the other vets walks in, asking about a castration she was going to do on a Shetland pony. They're talking about how to sedate the horse and all the sewing up procedures. All of a sudden one of the vets was like-no, I won't go into detail. Let's just say that I thought he was joking about how I was going to end up helping with the surgery and he wasn't. Let's just say I helped with a castration. Only in a very small town can a kid like me actually help with surgeries and give shots! It's great. Who knows what I will be able to do today...:)

Oct 4

Time to post again! Wow, it is already the 4th? Crazy!

Ah, you guys could be praying/giving suggestions. I have quite a dilemna. My FAFSA shows a fairly high expected family contribution. However, I am paying for tuition myself. I can't get into College of the Ozarks (based on income) and I can't really get grants or scholarships. I am basically between a rock and a hard place. I am not considered independant until I am like 25 or something lamo like that. Is there any such thing as emancipation from the whole under 25 rule? I am seriously asking around about it. You guys have no clue how much I want to get into College of the Ozarks. CSU-Fort Collins is also another option, but I am unsure as to whether or not it is affordable. If that did happen, however, it would probably be in the fall of 2007. Then I can reapply complete and see if I can get any additional scholarships. This is so hard! Argh!