Hello, weekend!

It has been called to my attention that "That Hideous Strength" is still in my sidebar. No, I am not reading it STILL. I just haven't had time to finish it. Or take it out of my sidebar for that matter. I am attempting "In Dubious Battle" right now, but as I have had it for several weeks and not gotten very far at all, I am unsure how that will go. My books as of late seem to be "Physics", "Chemistry: The Central Science", and a zoology book I do not currently recall the name of.

Well, another week has passed. This one was ultra fast. Probably because I had about four too many tests and quizzes. I got through my chemistry relatively unscathed. Those tests are so hard that even though I got a 55% on the test, taken relative to everyone else in the class, I currently have a B. So, yeah, you can say I got an F on a test, but then again, not really. I look forward to this weekend. I have no tests to study for, so I have time to just work on stuff we have gone over in chemistry and biology, but I don't have down completely. That about sums up my plans for the weekend. Pathetic? Sure. I'll probably fit in some ice cream and a movie at some point. Oh, and I have to do laundry and vacumn and dust my room. Hmmm, I think that is about it. Spend some time with my cat. She could use some attention...Man, sometimes life is really boring. Well, I'll just go with and look forward to the day when I might be kayaking or seeing Victoria Falls, or running a half marathon, or being in an ice cream eating contest, or having a guy around that just likes to do normal everyday things with me (I doubt all of those make any sense together.).

As you may infer from my last sentence, I think I may be struggling with being content again. I have all these ideas and goals, but many of them seem very far away right now. I try to do something as simple as running a 10K and it falls through. I want to do so much and see so much and all of that seems like it will never happen. Will I ever be in Africa, helping out at an orphanage? Will I successfully make it through school? Will I get into vet school? And one that sticks out lately-will I ever find a guy? Ooooh, I hate it when I do that! I wish I would listen to myself when I say "Honestly you don't want to get married now. There are so many things you want to do first. You're only eighteen! You still have lots of school to get through. What is the point of all that right now?". Yeah, well, I'm not listening to myself and I'm feeling a little lonely. Everyone's got a best friend or a boyfriend. I've got my family, but it seems like our lives are pretty separate even though I am still at home. I have all these things that God has told me, but sometimes it seems so impossible. Yeah right will I ever find a nice Christian guy within 30 miles of where I am at. Sometimes I wonder if they exist or if they are all a figment of the imagination....:) I think sometimes writing it down helps me get my head on right. When it all really truly boils down, it is true that there are a lot of thigns I want to do before I find a guy. And isn't it me that always says I'll be like 25 or 30 before I am married. :) Don't hold any of the above against me. I almost didn't write it, but what is the point of words if you are not honest?

*Edit*
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Proverbs 4:23
So easy to get unfocused... I lose sight of why I am doing something so easily. Thankfully, God is faithful to remind me of where He wants me-the best place to be. I remember that I am doing this not for me, but for the good of someone else. Every time I get focused on myself, things get ugly. And that is what happened. Rather than thinking of how I can do someone else good all the days of my life, I think about what it is that I want. I felt lonely, I wanted something, and that is beside the point. My focus right now is to do God's will. Right now, that consists of going to school at CSU-Pueblo, living at home, and being a little lonely. If that is what it takes, okay...