All Kinds of Stuff

Hola, all! If this post is a little odd, blame MTV. It's the cause of all the world's current problems-including my lack of sleep. I went to Sarah's last night for her birthday. The night owls stayed up until 4:30 watching music videos while I snoozed. When I woke up, they said I have odd sleeping habits. Yeah, falling asleep to a mix of Weird Al, Christina Aguilera, and Hinder (only some of which are worth wasting time listening to-very little at that); having sudden candy shock a system that a poor college kid hasn't had in weeks, and scrunching up on half a couch to sleep can do that to a person. :)

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye

Sometimes I wonder if my standards are too high. Once I turned 18, I feel like I turned around, and a lot of my friends are in some sort of a serious relationship. I tell people I would really like to get married to the first guy I date. I don't want to waste a ton of time with casual dating, thinking I may someday stumble across someone. My last wish I to be hurt over and over until I find "the one". Recently, I was talking to some friends. I was told that a mutual friend had started dating a girl he knew. When I said I don't want to go out with a guy who has already dated, I got some weird looks. Where do I draw the line between following what God has called me to and standards that are too high? I keep my standards to avoid all the hurt I see out there. Why in the world would I want my heart ripped out repeatedly trying to find someone? But then I keep being told, that ideal person I have in my head doesn't really exist. I won't find him, and with the standards I have up, I'll never have a date. Is the truth that I am actually just scared?
But, wait! I guess that is where I am supposed to revert to all this stuff I read about and store up in my brain to remind myself of something. First, I technically don't want to find a guy for a while. I have lots to do first. :) Second, today, I know His will for me does not include a significant someone. Believe me, no one that I've met exists at CSU. All the guys I've met are either married, partiers, or they have some mysterious disease that makes it impossible to utter a word to girls.
I guess I technically don't have to figure my dilemna out right now. Luckily though, my physics lab partners seem to have forgotten about the dude they were trying to hook me up with. I was coming dangerously close to having to say "I don't date" and getting the "what planet are you from?" look. :)

I told you guys a few weeks ago about my opportunity to possibly go to Africa next summer. I have been corresponding with the missionaries in an attempt to get some of the details figured out. It turns out that what I may be doing is teaching preschool kids while I am over there. I was so excited when she e-mailed me, asking if I was interested in that area. In other words, I basically said, YEAH, BABY! :) Maybe I will go over there and love the teaching so much, I will get certified to be an elementary teacher. I had that idea over spring break, but dismissed it. Wow, I appear to be so undirected lately. I am just not generally that type of person. I guess it is God's way of keeping me looking to Him constantly for direction, huh?

Miscellaneous news: I didn't end up housesitting. :( I was quite sad, but that is life I guess.
I heard back from CofO and they said in order to receive financial aid, I have to have a kid, be an orphan, or be 25. Nope, I don't fit any of that criteria. Man, talk about God closing every door I try. Okay, bright side, I guess that will make the one door that is open very obvious, huh? :)

Sorry about the long post. Just had a lot to catch up on I guess.

Hooray!

My last post was at the height of my freakout. I went so far as to think maybe I should drop all my current classes, work two full times jobs and cut my losses. I could even have my crazy college kid semester-travel and all that. Okay, so I decided not to drop all my classes. I want to rationally explore all my options. I will leave the irrational leaving the country until I have a summer open or am graduated from school. Anyway, my plan is to finish this semester as best I can. Next semester, I want to take all the classes I am interested in: literature, writing, and photography. I am already excited. I looked at the class schedule. Yeah, I know, it isn't even midterms for the semester I am in, but I am excited! Anyway, it looks like I can take the classes that I want. And it also looks like I will be able to come to school only 2 or 3 days a week. I wouldn't mind if school was closer, but since I spend about 2 hours driving time each day, the time certainly adds up. That way I can work on my off days and do homework. It will be great! This is going to be fun...

Oooh, good news! I am housesitting. I am so excited. It was the weirdest thing. Yesterday I was trying-again-to figure out if it was possible for me to support myself completely-live in an apartment or something and go to school...nope! :) As my Mom said last night, circumstances are preventing me. :) Well, I guess that is not in God's timing right now. Anyway, I was thinking about housesitting. One of my friends is doing it right now, and I was thinking about how cool that would be. My own house for a few weeks. This is no joke, but about half an hour later, somebody called, seeing if I was available. Wow! So, I have a job. And it pays! Yay, the poor college student is getting some money. Finally! :)

Have a fabulous Thursday!!

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

3 By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

This is what I was reading last night (Hebrews 13). Perfect time for it. It reminds me that the whole faith thing really is tangible. It is not some pie in the sky thing that we can't reach. It is real. God says something, we believe it. God has promised me certain things, and I will believe them. He said He will get me through physics. I will. I don't know if it will be a great grade, but I will get through it.
Also, He rewards those who diligently seek Him. I am in a crazy hard place right now, but I think I am being pretty diligent to put things in His hands. I can't do it alone! There are things that I really want right now-like going to College of the Ozarks. I have faith that if it is in His will, he is going to get me there. No matter what my FAFSA says, and no matter what place I am on the waiting list. He will take me wherever I need to go!

Epiphony

Momentous news!! First off, I must clarify that this is big for me to even vocalize this. I may have entertained a thought for about 0.5 seconds, but I quickly eliminated it, not wanting to add any more possibilities. Sure, options and opportunities are nice, but, in this situation, it almost added an element of stress or I felt like I was failing if I didn't set out to do what I wanted to do.

With that clarification out of the way.....I think I may change my major. Okay, so you guys may not think that's a big thing. But coming from the girl who has been planning on being a veterinarian since she was nine, this is big. It isn't for sure yet, but I am certainly weighing my options and going to meet an adviser tommorrow. I love certain aspects of biology-specifically zoology. I have an interest in the macroscopic elements of the study, but in order to get a degree in this field, I am studying so many things that I enjoy learning about, but 1) do not come naturally at all, and 2) are not something I REALLY love learning about. In order to get a bachelor's in biology, I still have to take 4 chem classes, a calculus class, and several others I may not get a huge kick out of. Sure, I like math when I can figure it out, but what I really love is....books. And words. And writing. And reading. I was in the university library yesterday and felt like I had had an epiphony. I was trying to do physics homework and couldn't even concentrate with all the books surrounding me. Tolstoy, Frost, and Dickens were calling my name. I just couldn't stop looking...

More later. Gotta go to class.

My Weekend

It was a good one. It started out with socialization. Wow is what I am nearly certain you are thinking. I actually went and hung out with Sarah. Good stuff. "Would that be considered socialization or exercise?". :) I hope that cheered you up. Either that or me declaring I didn't brush my hair. Then I came home and watched movies with the madre and hermana.

Saturday was training for the research I am going to be doing. I am going to start sampling water at a local river that has a ton of stuff wrong with it. A lot of sewage is spilled into it, meaning it is full of E. Coli bacteria. I get to go out every few weeks and sample water. It is also a possibility that I will do some lab work. Who knows. It will be good for a resume anyway. Then of course homework. I have a chem test on Tuesday, so I am trying to master all that info.

Today was a lazy day. Well, the first part. I tried to rescue a bird with a broken wing. My parents were clearing out all the dead sunflowers and found a finch with a broken wing. I put him in a big tub and was going to get some bird seed and call a vet on Monday to see if anything could be done. I know the chances of a wild bird surviving a "captive rescue" was quite low, but he wasn't going to live long outside with no way to fly away. Well, I put my cat inside to make sure she didn't get to him. My Mom came in a bit later saying she had gotten out. And gotten to the bird. I know I am 18, but I actually started crying. Yeah, it's dumb, but it made me sad. I tried to rescue the little guy and it didn't work. Well, I did what I could. And he was cute.

Then I went running with my Dad. We actually completed a 10K. Hooray! I did it. It is possible. I now know that I will be able to finish it when I do it. For those who asked, it will be on October 7th at 9 am at the Riverwalk. Anyway...

Hope you all had a great weekend! :)

Hello, Friday!

My day has been made. Okay, so it is a Friday and everything seems ten times better, but I discovered the place. My place here at school. The library! I've never been in it before. It is amazing! Six floors of movies, tapes, books, reference books, interlibrary loans, periodicals, government documents, coffee, study rooms, and rare books. Wow, this is my heaven on earth. I found it while doing an assignment for a class. What an awesomely awesome place. Glad I finally found it!

Well, I am officially 25% of the way done with my semester. It went by pretty fast. A month goes by fast when you're super duper busy. I have lots to do this weekend too! Chemistry test to study for which is Tuesday, biology to study, and physics to study. On top of that, I have my field research training tommorrow!! How exciting. And then Sunday I have a few things with friends. Yay! Social interaction....:)

Physics Consumes Me

My last post seems so long ago!! It's been a crazy week. I have come to the conclusion that Monday is my, um, hell day. Sometimes it carries over to Tuesday also. But it gets better as the week progresses. I guess I have to come to terms with that. :)

I was NOT getting physics. Couldn't do the homework or anything...Plus, I thought I had a quiz today. I could do nothing, but once again give it to God. I asked my family to pray for me and left the rest in God's hands. Good news! God is so good. I give it to Him, and ask Him to help me. I can't do this without Him. Good news #1: no quiz. Good news #2: I got all my homework questions answered. Talk about going through a time where God is requiring me to go to him. I lost my wallet Monday night, freaked out, because my life is in that wallet. But I gave it to Him, and He came through. It never fails.

I know this is choppy, but, once again, I'm in a hurry. I have been so immersed in school, I am actually thinking of normal life in terms of my schoolwork. For example, I can't quit applying vectors to every aspect of life. I saw an abbreviation for Ohio-OH-and immediately thought of ionic compounds. Funny stuff...

Psalm 34

Having some seriously hard times. Can't go into much detail, because I have to leave for school. Good verses though-of encouragement. (Psalm 34)

I sought the Lord, and He heard me,

And delivered me from all my fears.

5 They looked to Him and were radiant,

And their faces were not ashamed.

6 This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,

And saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The *angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him,

And delivers them.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

And His ears are open to their cry.

16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

And delivers them out of all their troubles.

18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,

And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

20 He guards all his bones;

Not one of them is broken.

21 Evil shall slay the wicked,

And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.

22 The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,

And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.

Life in General

Well, once again, I did nothing this weekend. I guess that is just how life goes-you go through cycles where sometimes it is kinda boring. Oh well! Once again, I watched Gilmore Girls. Emily and I watched some of the second season of Lost. Very interesting....and suspenseful...

I studied for a my biology lab and lecture test, along with doing some physics homework and chemistry studying. I checked my planner and found that for the next-at least-six weeks, I have a test on Monday or Tuesday which I will spend the weekend studying for. To look at it as the optimist, I would say at least they aren't all clumped at once to where I have to study for three tests in one weekend. :)

I've been deemed WonderWoman. Since my cohorts consist of Superman, Flash, and Catwoman, among others, some think we should all get t-shirts and hold hands and skip to class. What an interesting group of people...

My sister and I went to Hastings last night to pick up a movie. For some reason, they were giving away scratch cards. I bequeathed it to Emily, because I am fabulous. Anyway, she picked two to scratch and they match. Her third she hasn't scratched yet. She claims to be thinking about it. Needless to say, she didn't like my "eenie-meenie-miny-mo" idea. Oh, come on! :)

Physics and Keys

Quick post! Homework seems to be piling up as I speak. :) I love it though! Anyway, just wanted to share a cool thing. I don't remember how much I shared about my physics dilemna. I was having real trouble in the class, got grades I'd never received before, and was considering dropping the class. Which maddened me to no end. Well, I just went to God and asked what He wanted. I read in Joshua, and I read about the Israelites stepping out into the water. I felt like God wanted me to step out in faith-into something unknown. One of the verses says something about doing wonders among you tommorrow. The night I read it, I had a quiz the next day. I felt like God was making it really clear that I needed to keep going. So, I did. I took my first test, and got 100%!!! I don't think I have ever been so excited about a grade in my life. :) Praise, God! He provides our needs. Now, I am going to need Him to help me out with chemistry. Man, it never ends. :)

So, guess what I did today. Locked my keys in my car. My parents were out of town with all the extra sets, so I was in a bit of a bind. Or a lot a bit of a bind. A friend came and rescued me. :) You are my hero! :) I ended up getting a locksmith. Forty bucks wasted. Ouch! That makes me mad. I scrimp and scrounge and have to spend money on something so dumb. Well, that's life I guess. Oh, by the way, watch out for creepy guys who offer to open up your door with a coat hanger. He tried to hug me when he left. Ew! That seriously creeped me out. Thinking about it....well, anyway, it is weird.

Summer 2

So, part of the whole 18 thing was a blast. I had a ton of time this summer to hang out with friends. I think I would call it the summer of TPing and forking. Gotcha, guys! :) Well, I was also "gotten" too-and pretty stinking bad too-but it was worth it.

Talk about staying up late and watching a ton of Gilmore Girls. I was getting home at, um, well, hmm, 12 nearly every night. That was mostly when work was at a lull. Six am mornings and 1 am mornings do not work well at all! Oh, and spoons. Extreme spoons was a blast! I was champ. The best part of that was getting the spoon first and watching everyone else tackle each other for a spoon. What amusement. I should have thought to get that on tape. I am sure someone would have bought it at a really good price.

A summer of friends. A summer of a little bit more than friends. Some mistakes, but I only hope those mistakes make for better friends. It seems like those battles are so hard, but I almost wonder if it is worth it for the end result. I thought I had it all planned out. Life was perfect. Then God came in and opened my eyes. At WV camp, I had so much time to just talk with God. I kept pursuing Him until He gave me the answer I had to have. I was a diligent seeker of His will. And I got the answer. It was hard, and I probably had to say one of the hardest things I've ever said, but it was right. They may not have understood, but since when do we understand God? I realize that God's plan for my and that other person's life was not what we thought. But whatever He has in mind is going to be so much better. What an experience!

More later...

My Summer

I am two weeks into summer, and I realize I never went back and summarized my summer. Kind of assessed the good things and the bad. What can I do differently and what wouldn't I change for the world? I'll start with May for today. Dig out my notebooks and try to remember what life was like at that point in time. I'll try to post some pics later. I am having some problems with Hello. Anway, what a summer! Quite a few firsts and some major struggles. But I think I came out of it closer to God which makes everything else fade away in comparison.

I started out with graduating. Finally technically graduating. I actually hadn't really homeschooled in two years, but, hey, the cap and gown was nice. I guess I never realized how much of a big deal it was until three sets of grandparents came from all over the country. So many people were so happy for me. I guess I didn't realize how much work four years of highschool really is. :) What a great experience. I loved the cap and gown. Oh, and that graduation money was pretty nice too. :)

I think the trouble started when I turned 18. I was under the impression I had complete control of my life. Forgot what an idiotic idea that could be. Had some heart issues that grew up to be pretty big problems throughout the summer. Once again though, at the end of it all, I ended up a lot closer to God and that is what mattered. I didn't do much to celebrate the advent of adulthood. Had a sweet party, got my ears pierced a few times. However, I lost my picture ID, so it took a while for me to be able to do much. Anyway, I came to the realization that when I was little and looked up to all these 18 year olds, thinking they were amazingly mature, I was sadly mistaken. :) I still feel so small much of the time. I think the difference with being an adult is the need to step out and overcome those fears. It is important to do what it takes to grow as a person and in God. As an adult, I had to learn how to strike out in the responsible and right thing to do. I guess I had a few misconceptions....

More later. Time to do homework. Chao!

9/11

It seems so long ago. It was a long time ago! Quite a few years. I was only 13. Did that day make me grow up faster? I remember I was vacumming. We didn't have TV, so we found out through a friend calling my Mom. We ended up going to her house to watch the news. I brought my math textbook to work on school. Honestly, I didn't quite get what was going on. Maybe it didn't make sense because it was just way too weird. It kind of scared me that so many adults were worried. Since when do adults not know what to do or say?

I don't think it struck me until a while down the road when I read what people who were in New York at the time had to say. It didn't strike me until I saw those pictures. The pictures of people jumping out of buildings to escape the fires. Yet I was still so detached from it. And I am actually thankful for that. I live in a small town. It seems like nothing much can happen to me here.

Even with a war going on, I am not affected by it. What happened to the days of Victory Gardens and knitting socks for soldiers. Sometimes I wish I was closer to the crisis, so it would mean more to me.

I still wonder if those event made me "get older" faster. Once again, I remember what I was doing when something drastic happened. I remember watching a Batman movie-the one with Penguin in it-when the President declared war. That scared me! What? A war? This had never happened in a time when I could remember. I went to bed and turned on the radio, trying to fiugre out if it was ever going to come close to me. Would it ever cross the ocean and hurt me or my family somehow? I guess that's how my mind worked that many years ago.

I still can't believe I was alive those days. I think that is one of the things that grandkids will ask about. So, where were you when the towers were attacked. What were you doing when the war was going on? What was the oil problem like? Wow, I was actually alive when it happened.

It's late

Whoa! I'm freaking out here. So many of the people I've known since I was little-like 5 years old or 12ish...they're getting married or have VERY serious relationships. This is way too weird. My friends getting married? It seems like so recently that we were having sleepovers (at the female friend's houses of course. :)) or being weird together. Life was so simple. Clothes didn't matter, hair didn't matter. The real world was so distant. No college, no work, no worries really. Crazy thought really.

I've officially lost it. I had a dream about vectors. No, I'm not kidding. I see shapes and convert them to trig functions. I wash my car and wonder about acceleration and velocity. I think I need a physics exorcism.

Hmmm, what about studying abroad? That's an idea. I could either go to Missouri or study abroad. What a leap. I think I may apply and see what happens.

Oh, did I tell you, I am officially a bio geek. I joined bio club. Isn't it...nerdy? :) Now all I need is glasses and a mysteriously lumpy backpack. Hmm, with all the papers and books and food and pencils and calculators and post-it notes I carry in there, that may already be taken care of.

Understanding the concept of learn from mistakes. Getting better at that. It stinks, but at least I am improving. It could certainly be worse. Then again, I wonder...Did I do the right thing? I go between making the mature decision of moving on and thinking I should continue to try and fix it. What to do....

It's late. I should probably stop typing things that mean nothing to anyone except me.

Bane of My Existence

Ooops, it has been while since I posted, huh? Sorry. The physics has basically sucked up all my time like a vacumn. Like a mean, evil, scary vacumn with yellow fangs and red bloodshot eyes...Okay, so maybe that is a little drastic. But not very if you ask me. :) Anyway, I got my first quiz back today and it was a C. I guess I shall continue in the class. I have to take it sooner or later, right? I will just have to be a crazy dedicated physics "enthusiast". Pretend I said that last word very sarcastically. I can't believe it. My first C. I am so saddened you can't even believe it. Man, I'm the chick that got stressed out about a B in my algebra class. I pulled out of it with an A, but I am just very serious about all this GPA stuff. I have always been one to consider less than the best a failure. Argh! I know that isn't true though....So, anyway, I'm going to really busy this semester with that subject. My goal is a B. Well, truly an A, but I trying to be realistic.

So, I have a ton-wait, no, a megaton (Note the chem terms....) of homework this weekend. My fam is going up to the cabin, but I think I may miss out on that one. I have tests coming up in a few of my classes and lots to do. Man, I love this school stuff. I just wish my hard work paid off in the grades I wanted....Anyway, that is what I will be doing this weekend I believe. Along with some Gilmore Girls I suppose. :) See if I can dig through the change drawer and rack up a few bucks in quarters. Maybe "splurge" on some ice cream. The life of a college kid...It is interesting. :)

Tuesday

Wow, talk about being swamped by physics. I am reminded of that part in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" where the teacher says they will be quizzed on material they haven't even covered yet. Yup, that's about where I am at. The bad grade on homework freaked me out. I have this thing about failure. I forget to realized that school is-duh-about learning. I don't know it all. So, I freaked out about dropping, losing a scholarship...Just because I got one bad grade on homework. So, I have basically been working my butt off, seeing if I can get the material. I should know by Friday. James 1:5-6-Ask for the wisdom....

Um, not much else exciting going on. I started my chem lab yesterday. That was interesting. We had to watch-yet another-safety video. Talk about cheesiness! Did you know when you get corrosive chemicals on your clothes and are forced to use those stupid showers, they say to take ALL your clothes off? Yeah, right! I think not....Anyway, it was just funny to see all the fake spills, and fires, and blood. Now I have to go find a pair of safety goggles. Bwa ha! That should be funny to see some of those chics in lab in those. I wouldn't be surprised if they dropped after learning that bit of info...I am mean, aren't I? :)

Last Day of the Weekend

This would have to be a new favorite band! They have really fun videos!

So, the second week of school starts tommorrow. For some ridiculous reason, we have classes on Labor Day. Not like I think it is some important holiday, I just figured that the one perk of public school is getting those dumb holidays off. Oh well, I am just about positive I will survive. :) I will actually have my first chem lab tommorrow. How exciting!

Wow, I was a lot more sore than I thought I would be. That 14er got to me more than I thought it would. Then I did a three and a half mile run today. I think I may have been waddling afterwards. :) I love running! It is such a satisfying feeling to finish a longer run. Plus, it is such a great adrenaline rush! Just like soccer. I think that may be the reason I like the two. Oh! That reminds me of a funny story I believe I neglected to tell you all.

Last Thursday, I had my first soccer game. It was an adult soccer league, and I believe I was the youngest one. One or two were married, and the rest were probably about 23 or so. Well, after the game, one of the guys asked how old I was. I told him I was 18. Then he asked if I had a fake ID. Thinking he thought I looked younger than 18, I said, "No, it is real". Oh, I'm an idiot....About 5.5 seconds later-about 5 seconds AFTER everyone else with me got it-I realized I had just been asked to go drinking. Wow....

Success!!!

I did something that I have been wanting to do for ages. I FINALLY climbed a 14er earlier. :) It was awesome! We climbed Mount Sherman-supposedly it is the easiest one in Colorado. I figured that would be a good place to start. :) We left the house about 8:00 in the morning. It wasn't too far away-about a 1.5 to 2 hour drive. It might be quicker, but the last half hour is a pretty bad washboard road, so you have to drive a little slow. From the picture, it kind of looks like a bunch of dirt, but it was actually a lot of loose rock which made for interesting climbing! We made progress of about 2,000 feet in elevation in approximately 2 hours. The summit was 14,065 feet. The highest I have ever been. The closest to the sky I have ever been. It was an amazing feeling to be so high and be able to see so much. I have come to the conclusion that one of the big reasons God created all of this stuff in nature is for us to realize how little we are-as humans. How insignificant life really can be in the big scheme of things.

Score!

I am officially 1/16 of the way done with the semester. (I count Thanksgiving week since I figure I will be doing homework then anyway.) Yup, just got out of my last class. Cool, huh? I think so anyway. So, it has been good. Lots to get used to. Needless to say, it is quite different from community college. A lot harder, more homework, more on my shoulders, and a much different environment. Although I will certainly be doing homework this weekend, I look forward to having a little bit of a break. I have been a hermit in my room. As soon as I finish up one subject, another is calling my name. I love it though. Chemistry seems like it will be challenging, but not impossible. The physics class had me worried until I found out that we are at the end of the trig part. There will be more of it, but it won't get anymore difficult. Phew! I bypassed the whole trig thing in highschool. Biology is pretty cool! The lectures are interesting, and I think the labs will be my favorite. You should see the jars of creatures they have in that room. Oooh.

Then I had my Biol 171 class yesterday. It is only one credit. A freshman class I am taking in order to have 15 credits in order to get my scholarship. Should be easy except a lot of the class centers around getting contacts in the biology department and socializing. Ew! :) Just kidding. Kinda. I like to socialize in my own little way I guess.