Thoughts

Daily learning how to do things differently. I need His strength in order to get through it. I can trust only in Him, because nowhere else is stable. This is where I wanted to be. This is where I asked to be. Give me strength to keep asking for this state of being. And give me strength to run away from the things you do not want for me. Frustration of knowing what isn't good for me, but still wanting it. Help me walk away...

Hullo

I need a dog. I was alone at home at night-the whole night-for the second time last night. It gets much too quiet and lonely. I got a hermit crab on Wednesday, but he doesn't talk much. I guess he is a little shy. He does, however, have some anger issues. He chopped the little climbing stick I gave him into tiny pieces on Wednesday night. His name, by the way, is Maverick Hassium. Maverick from a friend's favorite movie, and hassium from the periodic table of elements. And, yes, I have topped off all geekdom with that last one.

My plan for the weekend is sleep. I am way behind on calculus homework. I have three sections to do, but other than that, I am totally sleeping. Maybe run Tunnel Drive with Audra, but that is about it! Nobody call me before 11, because I am turning my phone off and closing all the windows. Wish me luck in actually sleeping.

Weaknesses

In His weakness I am strong. His grace is sufficient for me. He is not failing to speak. I don't want to fail to seek Him. Continue to speak to me and lead me. Show me my weaknesses. I know they are many, yet I think I focus on that too much. Instead I want to remember that you put them there on purpose and they are meant to glorify You.

Did you know that being a volunteer at a youth retreat for twenty middle school and high-school girls, having some intense times of worship, staying up until 1 every morning hearing about that boy those girls like...can be extremely draining. It was amazing, but I do not know if I have ever run on less fuel. :)

And my Mom is awesome!! Check this out. If anyone is interested in sewing, you guys can help me out with this project. Gracias!

Peace

"In my weakness, He is made strong". My weaknesses have been quite evident in my own eyes the past week or so. I feel like I have no talents I can use for Him, I am not good at sharing Him with others, and His light does not shine through me. Why does my shyness seem to get the better of me? Then I read this verse this morning, and it was a great reminder. I can be weak. I boast in my weakness! I am proud of my faults, because in Him working through those things, He glory is shown.

Clarification. Communication. It is essential. I was becoming unsure and scared of the direction it was taking. Was I getting myself into something I always promised I wouldn't? And then I opened my mouth to ask. Never be afraid to ask. And now I am confident in the direction that I am going. Make your paths clear before my eyes...

Happy Heart Day...Gah!

So my attempts at escaping today's holiday are so far unsuccessful. It all started in calculus this morning....Happy valentine's day to you as my teacher passes out our exam. Oh, come on, the whole exam on my mind thing was supposed to erase the holiday. Next was chemistry. My friends walks in and says "I just saw the cutest thing outside". Me is thinking puppies, kittens, snowball fights. Nope. She tells me some guy was out on the off ramp on the way to school holding a giant paper heart that says "*Enter mushy name here*, will you be my valentine?". Oh, come on! It is like 20 degrees outside. Talk about love erasing all sense of rightness in the head. I thought I may have escaped it when I am out of classes on my break. Not there either. Everywhere I turn, I see roses and candy hearts and pink and red and frills. Augh! I am close to gagging. Especially when even the biology club has been converted. They are selling valentine's day chili. Spice up your day with chili is the slogan. The world is hopeless if even the bio club members can't resist the holiday.
So, I have relatively few options left on this day of all days. My next idea is to go home, dig a hole in my backyard and bury my head in it. Wait, I think the ground is too frozen for that. Considering the 10 and 20 degree weather we've been having. Hmmm...I've got it! I'll go buy a box of ice cream, get in my pjs, and watch movies. He he...Or not. Most likely I'll hit the books.
Excuse the facetious nature of this post. Deep down, however, I contemplate the merits of it actually being veracious.
Off to genetics and evolution/ecology to see how else we might work happy heart day into the inner workings of the biological world.

Clear In My Own Mind

I wish I could think about multiple things at one time. My habit is to have one thing I am consumed with-an all consuming ridiculousness of a thing. I turn something good to something bad with my preoccupation with it. Filling my time with something I may not always have. What a waste...Adding a question mark here, because I don't know if it is or not. Augh! Life is crazy...

Learning to love the questions themselves.

Monday

Hola to all!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding (feelings); in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
So, I've seriously messed up in this area. Following feelings has gotten me in trouble; put me into a selfish me mindset. Trying to remember that the point of this life is to glorify God in all that I do. So, many of my actions have not been of that venue lately. Which produces not only trouble for me but trouble for others. So, I am resolving to change some things-specifically certain relationships. Any prayer for wisdom and self discipline would be appreciated!

So, Carly, Patricia, and I are discussing our plans for Valentine's Day. We are all going to try and get the night off to celebrate Singles Appreciation Day (SAD). This is my 18th anniversary year. Something to be celebrated....Yes, of course. Someday I will not celebrate SAD and probably be quite happy about it, but for now, it should be fun. Who knows what we will do. How about paintballing and good food later. That sounds like fun! Maybe I'll suggest it. :)

My House

So after much too much time, I got a hold of a digital camera, a jump drive, and an internet connection in order to share pictures. Here is my "room". It consists of a den off of the entryway, so I am in the process of trying to find a curtain. It is a little odd when people walk and see my stuff. Although I have been hiding most of it underneath the bed. I kept the comfy chair in here though, because, well, it is just too comfy.
Next pic is the kitchen. In which I made calzones by the way. I don't think those will last long with how much Joe and Ben come over. Boys...They always eat. I made muffins and calzones, and at 12 last night, they were eating away. Hmm, come to think of it, it's not just boys, because I was eating too. :)

Next pic is of the dining room. I do my homework in here generally.
Living room in which many movies are watched. We drag out all the pillows and blankets in the house and pile 'em on the floor. Very comfy.
So, that is my new house. Like I said, I live with two girls-Carly and Patricia. They're both like 22. It is kind of weird, because the people hang out with are between 22 and 26. We get along well though. Carly I've known since I was like 13. She used to babysit my sibs. Patricia I just met a few months back through Carly. Joe I also met through Carly, and same with Ben. Alicia I had a class with at PCC a few years back...

So, it is hard to get used to quietness in the house. A lot of times I'll be home when no one else is. That's a first...So, I turn on music and study or stay at school later, because the total lack of humans anywhere around for hours at a time freaks me out.

Happy one week anniversary to my loss of mind! He he...Guess I went a little crazy

Wednesday

The spaghetti dinner was quite successful. I only have 300 dollars left to go. With about a month and a half to go, I am confident that God will make it. Talk about Him coming through!

Life has become suddenly hectic. With four tests next week, I plan to be pretty much out of commission most of this week, this weekend, and next week. I am praying for my mind to soak everything up and for God to give me strength to remember things. I am having a little trouble this semester. I think I burnt out a little last semester, and I am really searching for motivation. Prayer would be mucho appreciato!

Whoopdeedoo

I guess I am officially a college kid. I've stayed up way too late every night for the past few weeks and got up early nearly every day. Life is just too busy to enjoy as much sleep as I used to. I seem to have gotten through my addiction to sleep. Several weeks ago, I would have officially been dead by now. For some reason, however, I am taking it rather well. Hmm...wonder when it will hit.

I am 25% of the way through all the Mondays of the semester. Considering I get here about 7:45 and don't leave until 4:50, this is my longest and least anticipated day of the week. Actually having made a dent is fantastic!

I have been hired to make calzones and salsa in my new house. Wow...I will actually be cooking. Spaghetti for 50 and calzones for my new roomies all in one week. Talk about life changes! :) He he...

Moved!

Well, I have about six minutes until class starts, but life is so crazy I try and use every single minute. :) Even a three minute time span to blog.

So, I'm out. I live in my own place. Wow...I have a tiny little bed in a room and my clothes stuffed in a closet. It is relatively amusing really. Now I have to go find some sort of curtain, because at this point, whoever walks in sees my bed right away. Odd... At some point, I will try to post some pictures.

I had to go buy breakfast this morning. I never really considered how my parents always make sure there is food in the house. So, I ran to Wally World for an apple and some granola bars.

That Was Quick...

Well, I'm moving out Sunday. Yeah, this Sunday. God never ceases to amaze me. I pray and pray about it, and once I take a chill pill, He totally provides. I found a car for a thousand bucks!!! I found a job that will pay exactly what I need for rent every month. I get to continue one of my other tutoring jobs that will help out with other miscellaneous expenses. I am amazed by His faithfulness. It is all in His perfect timing. "As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him." -Samuel 22:31

So, right now, I am doing some intense laundry, looking around for boxes. Ah, this is freaking me out. I'm packing my stuffed animals. Talk about a milestone...:) Actually, the secret would be that I will be taking a few of them with me. It will be a little more lonely without seven people in the house. Three is a drastic change.

Later this afternoon, I am off to Wally World to get supplies for my big spaghetti dinner. It is going to be great! I can't wait to see in what ways God comes through!