Ha ha! plus a little serious
Colorado Barbies ~
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Colorado Market:
Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Englewood Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams , Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. Percocet prescription available.
Thornton Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her " Willow ." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Arvada Barbie
She is on welfare, has five children from five different fathers, none of which can be found.
Greeley Barbie
This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.
Trinidad Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.
In returning and rest you shall be saved;In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.
Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you;
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Colorado Market:
Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Englewood Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams , Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. Percocet prescription available.
Thornton Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her " Willow ." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Arvada Barbie
She is on welfare, has five children from five different fathers, none of which can be found.
Greeley Barbie
This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.
Trinidad Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.
In returning and rest you shall be saved;In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.
Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you;
And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
Blessed are all those who wait for Him.
You shall weep no more.
He will be very gracious to you at the sound of your cry;
When He hears it, He will answer you.
The bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
Yet your teachers will not be moved into a corner anymore,
But your eyes shall see your teachers.
"This is the way, walk in it,"
Whenever you turn to the right hand
Or whenever you turn to the left.
Okay, God, I'm waiting. Resting in You...
Okay, God, I'm waiting. Resting in You...
Labels: Funny
posted by Polka Dotted Pickles @ 6:06 PM
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